Dear M

It was brief, yet so profound,

Like patched ground suddenly quenched by brief showers

Nels said she loved the way you looked at me,

I never noticed I drained from your eyes all the light you saw in me.

Until my brutal honesty, insatiable thirst, and aimless wander in the search for broken souls like mine to feel at home beside, was too much for you.

Until forgiving me was a burden.

I would still come back to you, with guilt heavy laden.

Love was always found on your lips.

You deserved home;

I was an intimate dinner that had morphed into a house party you wanted to leave so bad.

The smoke in my lungs choked you, the alcohol in my blood drugged you every time you tried to make my lips your home,

The marijuana I fed you from my hand drove you mad.

This party would not end, but I hated to see you leave

I broke you, and it broke me to know that I did

You were all I needed, but my self-destructive record remained true; I lost, and I am still, forever losing you.

9 years and I still think of you

It dawns on me every time I walk into a room, that no one will ever look at me the way you did

It was not lust, it was not love, It was an adoration I did not deserve

It still haunts me whenever I think of you,

That I may have broken a perfectly good relic; a Soul like Rumi, a mind like Gates and a heart that could out love you in loving you.

I pray I did not, I know I should.

I know your heart was big enough to forgive, maybe even forget the bad and keep the good,

But all I can think of is how your overwhelming genius, good looks and love for me was a whole fucking mood.

I have not come across a soul as kind as yours in the vessel of a man.

I do not hope to;

No one should be given a memory to live up to.

So If ever a soul intertwines with mine in the vessel of a man, I hope he is better than you, M.